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Special Skaters

Posted at: 2011-11-08 05:25:19

Original ad:
Attention all ice skaters and hockey players! Volunteers needed to train children participating in the Special Olympics hockey team. Anyone with adequate skating skill can be used to help teach our athletes to skate. Please call 410-***-**** or respond to the email address above.
Judy

From Me to ************@**********.org

Judy,

I am writing in response to your ad regarding helping children learn to skate.

I was a legend in minor league hockey until my career was cut short by a career ending injury. I still love the game of hockey though and would love to pass on my skills to your wonderful children. I look forward to hearing from you.

Mike

From Judy ******* to Me:

Mike,

I am sorry to hear about your injury. That is very unfortunate. Are you still able to skate? I only ask because we need someone to skate one-on-one with the children.

Judy

From Me to Judy *******:

Oh yes, I am still able to skate. I think you misunderstood me. My career was cut short because I was banned after causing another player to have a career ending injury. It was an unfortunate accident, but the league came down extremely hard on me. It really wasn't fair, if you ask me.

Mike

From Judy ******* to Me:

Yikes! What were the circumstances of the ban/injury, if you don't mind me asking?

From Me to Judy *******:

Not at all. It really wasn't a big deal. The guy was fine, but everyone turned it into this huge ordeal. During a fight, I broke his eye socket, fish-hooked his cheek apart and slashed his achilles tendon with my skate. He also suffered brain damage from blood loss, but that is more the paramedics fault than mine for letting him bleed out for so long. Looks like the only sport he'll be playing now is "shitting in a bag" (heh heh). Anyway, the pussies at the commissioner's office considered it "gross misconduct" and "assault" and gave me a lifetime ban. Can you believe that? I thought this was supposed to be hockey!

So like I said, I was a legend in minor league hockey. My nickname used to be "Murderin' Mike" (don't worry, I never actually murdered anyone. It was just a cute nickname). I won more fights than everyone else in the division combined. In fact, I've only ever lost one fight on the ice. But I won the rematch in the parking lot (thank you, tire iron!) I know everything there is to know about fighting and would love to pass on my skills to your kids. If you want them to be the best damn hockey fighters in the special olympics, I am your guy. With my training, the other teams won't stand a chance. The ice will be stained with their blood, teeth, and broken dreams.

I am currently in between jobs so I can dedicate a lot of time to helping out.

Best,

Murderin' Mike

From Judy ******* to Me:

What do you think this is? The Special Dlympics are for the mentally handicapped. You know that, right? What you described is brutally violent and has no place in the Special Olympics. Frankly I think you deserve to be in jail. Thank you and goodbye.

From Me to Judy *******:

Whoa there. Don't be so dismissive! Do you even know anything about hockey? It sounds to me like you think hockey is just soccer on ice. Well I've got news for you, Judy, you couldn't be more wrong. In hockey, we don't fake injuries and have to miss half the season due to a pulled vagina muscle. We fight it out like men. Fighting is what hockey is all about. It is a tradition that dates back to the first hockey game ever played. If you want your kids to learn how to play hockey, they are going to have to learn how to fight.

I'll teach your kids how get away with everything without the referee seeing it. I'll show them how to make butt-ending, head checking, slashing and tripping look like an accident. They'll learn how to fight like hockey players. I have a whole set of moves I like to use during fights. My personal favorite is the "bowling ball", where you gouge both of the opponent's eyes and then jam your thumb into the roof of their mouth. I used that during a fight once and the guy actually started convulsing! It struck fear into the heart of the other team and we ended up winning the game.

With my expert training, your team will be the most feared team in the entire special olympics. Please reconsider hiring me.

Mike

From Judy ******* to Me:

You aren't coming anywhere near these children. Your attitude towards this whole thing is disgusting. Its absolutely disturbing that you find this kind of behavior acceptable. Especially for mentally handicapped children. I don't know what kind of insane league you played in but that is not the level of intensity that's meant for these children.

From Me to Judy *******:

Oh, I get it. You're saying that because these kids are mentally handicapped, that they don't deserve to be treated like regular people? Instead, you want to point out their disabilities and tell them that they will never be able to play hockey like normal people. When I saw in your ad that the kids were mentally challenged, I wasn't fazed. I didn't see kids with disabilities, I saw kids that I could turn into great hockey players. Do you not want them to be able to play hockey like everybody else plays it?

Mike

From Judy ******* to Me:

Give me a freaking break. You know that isn't what I meant. Don't pull that card on me. You expect me to believe that a violent psychopath like you genuinely wants to help the mentally challenged play hockey? Yeah, right! You don't give a damn about these children.

From Me to Judy *******:

Judy,

I am starting to think that you are the problem with this team, not the kids. You do not have the right attitude to be working with these kids. If you want to tell these kids that they shouldn't learn hockey the right way because they are mentally challenged, then that is just sad. It is a shame that you are taking away the joy of competitive sports from these kids. Competitive sports are great for kids - it keeps them from turning to drugs and violence in the streets.

Can I please talk to your supervisor? I would like to take your position and suggest that you be fired. You clearly do not have the right attitude to be helping mentally challenged kids.

Sincerely looking forward to taking your job,

Mike

From Judy ******* to Me:

Sure - her number is 1-800-GOTO-HELL

Sincerely done talking to you,

Judy

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GOD (2014-06-03 11:31:58)
Are you trolling the comments as well?

AgyptischErda (2014-03-17 04:56:58)
you are really an ahole. i have not laughed so much in quite awhile. so what was your day job? do you like fried pigeon stuffed with rice?

lind (2014-02-19 22:10:47)
why would they put a sushi menu in there? haha ur trolling is spot on my friend

Gawd (2014-02-19 21:09:27)
"Looks like the only sport he'll be playing now is "shitting in a bag" (heh heh). " Man that was one of the funniest things I've ever read!

wtfbomb153 (2014-01-20 10:27:47)
You are truly, an asshole.

Doesn't matter (2014-01-16 22:51:06)
"Mike," I think you should reply to more ads more frequently. Your witty responses keeps me laughing for days. I love reading your replies and hopefully you can keep them fresh. Please keep us regular folk entertained.

Dammngood (2013-12-18 01:15:44)
This is truly truly funny...

Johnny (2013-11-26 12:06:59)
I just shat myself, what should I do?

Tobey (2013-11-26 02:54:49)
I'm gay.

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Jared (2013-11-05 10:21:43)
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Armael (2013-07-20 17:56:59)
That's how jason came to be...

arostwo (2013-07-06 21:15:13)
Judy so owned you!

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~Administrator~ (2013-04-13 17:48:09)
Everybody PLEASE keep the peace!

meklrhwiuerhwf (2013-04-07 17:18:47)
Mike Andrews suck my dick and i'll fuck you up the ASS wankor

Mike M Andrews (2013-04-07 17:17:39)
Hello, I found this e-mail extremely offensive towards me as I play hockey. I wish this was taken down to avoid offence to other hockey players. This is very bad and is setting a bad example for other "trainee" hockey players. Good day. Mike Andr

Rational Person (2013-03-31 07:34:16)
those of you saying she didn't deserve this, she did. Craigs list is like, the WORST place you could look for a coach for this. What if pedophiles volunteered!?

Howard (2013-02-17 21:44:52)
I love the people who comment it was unrealistic, or dumb, or even better yet, the ones who are offended by this. It is comedy. It is a joke. If this offends you why are you even on this site? Go fuck yourself you cry baby asshole. This is funny shit.

Derpderp (2013-02-13 21:34:48)
I was drinking water I was nearly choke to death.

TigerladyNZ (2013-02-06 17:30:41)
Arguing in the Comments section is like the Special Olympics - even if you win, you're still a retard.

monkey fac e 2 (2013-01-26 21:00:19)
my favorite hockey fighting move is to stick my finger in my butthole and smell it

anonymous (2013-01-21 20:06:25)
No me interesa el programa, por favor, no me obligue auna damandarlos. Gracias.

Roflcoptor (2013-01-15 17:37:24)
The "bowling ball" had me in stitches!

Dumb (2013-01-14 17:59:52)
Dumb & unrealistic

Honolee (2012-12-07 13:25:55)
Not real. Special Olympics does not have Ice Hockey, only floor hockey.

Robbie (2012-11-20 17:32:40)
That 800 number has too many digits..

wondering.. (2012-11-14 21:50:45)
would the drool freeze wen it hits the ice?

Evan (2012-11-13 16:05:56)
Best one yet. crying laughing

Cambridddd (2012-10-29 13:23:27)
Man, Judy is a firecracker.

Anon (2012-10-13 05:51:39)
You're a cocksucker, you know that?

Tim (2012-10-03 22:54:36)
I literally almost shit my pants....

Bmatto1 (2012-10-03 15:40:24)
Definately about to buy this book.

LMFAO! (2012-09-22 23:08:44)
pulled vagina muscle! aahhhh ha haha!

Roy Blumenthal (2012-09-13 15:31:41)
If I hadn't taken a leak ten minutes before reading this, I would have peed myself. You're an evil genius deluxe. Thanks for having me wailing with laughter.

best line is... (2012-09-07 21:42:39)
With my expert training, your team will be the most feared in the special Olympics.

Foobar (2012-08-31 09:53:48)
Looks like the only sport he'll be playing now is "shitting in a bag" (heh heh). That is just wrong in so many ways... Almost made me fall out of my chair laughing... Awesome story =)

Tannz (2012-08-28 20:55:54)
Best, Murderin' Mike I lost my shit there. 10/10

asdasd (2012-08-23 01:01:55)
HAHAHAHAHAHA

errr... (2012-08-21 03:12:23)
You're a talented writer, but this one is in bad taste. This woman doesn't deserve this.

LeEvil (2012-08-21 02:39:54)
Aaaaaaaand I just bought your book!

LeEvil (2012-08-21 02:22:28)
My friend Aaron says he knows you! We must meet!!! Sad you are shutting the site down. XOXOL

Exibon (2012-08-19 10:40:48)
"The ice will be stained with their blood, teeth, and broken dreams. " I laughed so hard! You are absolutely genius! :D

ROFL (2012-08-10 14:43:37)
(thank you, tire iron!) xD

Hmmmm (2012-08-09 08:54:19)
..here I live.

Hmmmm (2012-08-09 08:53:47)
I find it interesting that Judy, working with children with disabilities, would call them "mentally handicapped", a term that hasn't been politically correct for a few decades now. In fact it's considered grossly offensive now, at least, w

@LeEvil (2012-07-27 12:18:43)
He is currently engaged to a wonderful man.

Dr. Acula (2012-07-20 01:00:50)
1-800-CAL-TURK 1-800-GOT-OHEL Anyone, that was f'ing hilarious (as usual). The "victim" was unusually sympathetic this time around, though (I'm saying that as a matter of fact, not as a criticism).

LeEvil (2012-07-19 16:45:36)
To the genius behind this hilarity: are you single? I'm quite serious.

Daniel (2012-07-19 14:06:44)
His other stories are funny, but this was just wrong and unfortunate /:

steve (2012-07-19 11:00:15)
On a good note...Mike was recently contacted by the French Winter Olympic Committee and was offered a position as a special assistant coach for the French Ice Hockey Federation in preparation for the 2014 Winter Olympics. Good Luck Mike!

Grif (2012-07-07 08:02:44)
"Murderin' Mike. Just a cute nickname." GOLDEN

Anonymous (2012-06-24 16:34:56)
She can't even come out with a potentially real number, like 1800 GET LOST. What a shame

Sam (2012-06-20 14:53:27)
Had me at ''pulled vagina muscle'' I still love football and hockey, though.

Destr (2012-06-18 17:45:56)
dude u rule :DDD

Lol (2012-06-18 04:36:37)
Would've been epic if he emailed back that the phonenumber wasn't working :P

anp (2012-06-15 06:16:11)
this sounds morally wrong

Daaaammmnnnn (2012-06-15 04:12:13)
all time favorite "I'll show them how to make butt-ending, head checking, slashing and tripping look like an accident." so freakin' funny.

Cuntface MGhee (2012-06-15 03:42:50)
FUCK

jack (2012-06-10 23:13:07)
"Looks like the only sport he'll be playing now is "shitting in a bag" (heh heh). "

jack (2012-06-10 23:12:46)
Utterly hilarious. My favorites: " My personal favorite is the "bowling ball", where you gouge both of the opponent's eyes and then jam your thumb into the roof of their mouth. I used that during a fight once and the guy actually starte

Momo (2012-06-02 13:59:17)
Don't you feel bad that you wasted the time of a hardworking volunteer with the Special Olympics? Why don't you target people who deserve a prank instead of picking on kid's groups?

murphylane (2012-06-01 20:18:08)
david thorne is better.

look at that FOTCACK (2012-05-29 21:48:45)
I Lol'd now that he posted a new one after this when everybody started poopin shit

Erin (2012-05-25 14:45:04)
LMAO, Murderin' Mike.

notPC (2012-05-20 08:06:50)
All the people who think this is not funny should stop watching mainstream news and open your minds to the creativity of a genius.....

rainbow heaven (2012-05-17 15:04:05)
Everyone shut up you all know it is pretty funny stuff not the kids but how this guy just fucks with everybody and they think he is serious

Jam-Jul Lison (2012-05-16 11:52:55)
While I don't like Mike's attitude, he has one point. The kids needs to be treated like everyone else. I used to be in special ed and the one thing I hated more then anything was how people would treat us different.

payattention (2012-05-15 13:52:08)
The site it emails from an asshole, so the fact there's racism, sexism, and overall assholeism is why its funny if this offends you then don't read them...its in the goddamned.name u prude pc idiots

Sam (2012-05-11 20:59:38)
@murderin`mike... Wow your a Dick hope you burn for the shit u sayd you racist piece of shit

RSFrisco (2012-05-08 22:13:13)
"Are those the letter O or zeroes in that number, Judy?"

lola307 (2012-04-30 18:48:24)
'Looks like the only sport he'll be playing now is "shitting in a bag" (heh heh).' hahhaha i lost it at that point!

justin rozell (2012-04-30 16:25:12)
fuckin hilarious. people needa chill out its obviously a joke

Murderin' Mike (2012-04-28 14:45:28)
@ Tyrone- shut up nigger before I Trayvon your monkey ass!

Jeffrey Larsen (2012-04-28 08:42:59)
@Tyrone: racist, sexist, overall obnoxious.. isn't that the best part?

Sarvesh (2012-04-18 12:18:26)
This site is fucking awesome...

Joann (2012-04-14 05:03:09)
This is cool!

Tyrone (2012-04-11 19:26:16)
Why are your pranks so fucking RACIST?? I still remember the pitbull one, that stereotyped african-americans so badly.

anonymous (2012-03-31 21:16:36)
turd

Craig (2012-03-31 11:38:44)
awesome, that's all I have to say

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anonymous (2012-03-21 03:03:09)
Asshole!!!

Batbecca (2012-03-03 23:02:25)
Thank you for not going for a "retarded" joke with this post. Your emails are genuinely funny w/o going for the "easy laugh" that so many unfunny jerks use by making fun of those w/mental disabilities. This is genius. Keep up the awesom

jennk (2012-03-02 19:54:42)
this is one of the funniestthings i have ever read,and have almost pissed on my couch.i hope this guy is making money doing this.

Just leave (2012-02-26 22:41:55)
Mike/John has obviously moved to pastures green/er and is no longer interested in developing and updating this site. He has clearly left it active because he earns money everytime you load the webpage/click the ads etc.etc., just leave if you dont like it

Lol (2012-02-14 17:15:00)
gold, and I'm glad this writer started to publish his own books. With talent like this in trolling, you should get paid for it.

anonymous (2012-02-07 19:36:02)
lolololol 1-800-GO-TO-Hell

Fake (2012-02-07 18:56:23)
Stop talking to yourself. The real ones are obvious

maz (2012-02-07 05:17:20)
The special olympics isn't only for the mentally handicapped but also for the physically handicapped. Cunt.

Mike (2012-02-01 02:39:58)
THE FUCKING BOWLING BALL!!!!!!

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Mike K. (2012-01-25 22:39:56)
Stupid woman, probably thinks that a hockey puck is a petrified diaphragm. Bitch.

Johhny Cakes (2012-01-25 18:43:50)
The guy who played Johnny Cakes actually killed himself.... I'm sending the from heaven... Google me bitch

Butthole Bandit (2012-01-25 18:19:38)
Man who has itchy butthole has stinky finger!

Tony Saprano (2012-01-25 15:10:24)
Maybe he went to go settle down with Johnny Cakes in Vermont.

Bill (2012-01-25 11:02:09)
Jerk Off > Who doesn't ? Sam > It's not him. Just some pranker. The site is still alive.

Bill (2012-01-25 10:56:23)
Jerk Off > Who doesn't ? Sam > It's not him. Just some pranker. The site is still alive.

anonymous (2012-01-25 09:51:55)
test

Sam (2012-01-25 06:16:41)
John, please, if that is really you, can you at least give us an explanation why you are stopping?

John (2012-01-25 00:33:24)
I am gay now. Adam Lambert and I bought a place in Lithuania where they haven't any Internet. We will spend our days and nights spooning. Peace out.

Spinblastr (2012-01-24 21:43:06)
John/Mike or whatever - perhaps you are done; if so that's cool and thanks for the laughs. Please take the site down, though, so we know for sure.

NO (2012-01-24 20:41:26)
MIKE NO!!!! YOU CAN'T DO THIS

Jerk Off (2012-01-24 18:47:58)
I like to masturbate to small children, pale women, and tortillas.

Peace Out (2012-01-24 16:05:35)
sorry to say goodbye to this site mike, thanks for the laughs!

#404 (2012-01-24 14:38:04)
Not Found

McLovin (2012-01-24 14:25:59)
Hi, I'm McLovin

@@y'all (2012-01-24 01:49:31)
If he is really done why doesn't he just say "I'm done."? I know he doesn't owe it to us, but really? What kind of a jerk gets off on angering people that previously made him a ten-thousandaire?

Fuck me (2012-01-24 01:08:58)
Fuck this shit. Fucker sold out. Pimping his books on Amazon now.

FUCK (2012-01-23 15:02:39)
GOD DAMMIT FUCKING POST YOU FUCKING FUCKTARD DICKHEAD MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF SHIT FUCK

@y'all (2012-01-23 13:13:00)
I know the author in person and I'm sorry to burst y'all's bubble but he has other plans in his life than to build this website. He created it for fun, it went viral, he got bored of it. End of the story. Move on!

anonymous (2012-01-23 10:20:43)
Wouldn't it be funny if the towers fell down again? LOL

B. Hussein Obomus (2012-01-23 09:33:24)
Yes We Can Bring Change to Amercia

#401 (2012-01-23 00:53:33)
No, it's post 401 that gets the prize

Dead Site (2012-01-22 23:07:38)
Pull the plug on this dead bitches website!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chris Hanson (2012-01-22 21:59:55)
Guys, wanna know why he hasn't posted in a while? Because they don't allow computer access in prison. That's where he is ever since I told him to "take a seat". Yes, it's true, he will be on our new episode of To Catch a Predato

John (2012-01-22 20:15:07)
Maybe the new funny post is the angry people in the comment section.... All of you shut the fuck up

Sam (2012-01-22 19:48:03)
This website has ended

Its official (2012-01-22 19:10:10)
This nigga dead

Paul (2012-01-22 17:31:42)
Hi I'm Paul.

beast (2012-01-22 14:50:48)
Yo you mother fucking piece of lazy ass shit When u gonna post up new ones man? I check this site everyday just so I won't miss out but you've kept me hanging for more than 2 months. Wtf is this? Huge disappointment in you.

Proud Gay Man (2012-01-22 11:07:46)
I am a proud gay man living in the tristate area, looking for young, hot single males to fool around with. I like using lotion, butter and shredded parmesan to add to the fun.

anonymous (2012-01-22 02:17:49)
I'll attempt an attack on this site if you'll not make a new post with in 30days from now. and i love to code until my fingers bleeds, And it never does..

Hacker (2012-01-22 02:12:06)
I'll attempt an attack on this site if you'll not make a new post with in 30days from now. and i love to code until my figures bleeds,

Post Something New (2012-01-21 21:41:56)
Now

This isn't funny (2012-01-21 00:35:07)
My name says it all. WTF happened to this site bro.

L-i-n-d-s-a-y (2012-01-20 08:45:03)
Do it like this if you want to post the author's real name.

ED (2012-01-19 23:13:14)
I apologize for my previous post (look 3 posts down) It's my time of the month, and I turn into a huge jackass when my ass starts bleeding. They should really design tampons for anal bleeding. Manpons. That sounds about right. Anal Manpons.

New Post (2012-01-19 21:50:01)
Hi Guys. I am a new post. i am hilarious and witty. But i'm not on the website because I'm part of a conspiracy to make you a tiny bit angrier every time you visit the site and find nothing new. Eventually it adds up and you explode.

FuckThisSite (2012-01-19 21:19:38)
Post something or take this piece of shit site down!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ED (2012-01-19 16:07:55)
Good job using the name "Mike", to pretend to be the author of the site. That's not his actual name, and he hasn't ever used his real name in an email, from what I remember. If you really look, you can find it.

Your Mother (2012-01-19 14:52:55)
I'm a whore and want you to post sometime in my fucking life time.

Derek Schillinger (2012-01-19 13:47:16)
I am a 47 year old male just recently released from prison serving 2 counts of third degree murder. I love to laugh, read and take long walks on the beach.

Repost (2012-01-19 09:38:26)
send funny emails to companies that support SOPA...

Rick (2012-01-19 08:49:25)
Please post something...

Fuge (2012-01-19 04:56:42)
POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOST!!!!!!

Tori (2012-01-18 22:08:02)
You are great... Fun comedy.

Motherfucker Steve (2012-01-18 13:25:59)
3 months and waiting, keep on editing/writing or creating your script even though it is obviously.. yes fucking "FAKE" this keeps me entertained so I'll still be here once in a while to check. Have fun with my hits ;)

LBKewee (2012-01-18 09:44:16)
GET OFF OF THIS PAGE AND GO SIGN A SOPA PETITION!!!

This place sucks (2012-01-18 09:41:40)
The comment section actually won't let you use the last name of the owner in a comment. It won't post it. What a dumbass.

This Sucks (2012-01-18 09:40:29)
This website is gay. Six updates a year? Eff this place.

Jamal (2012-01-18 03:36:12)
I'm African-American and this post offends me.

Dovalhin (2012-01-17 23:01:24)
FUS RO DAAAAAH!!!!!!!!

Anonymous (2012-01-17 21:35:50)
my soul is rotting because we havent had a new one

Mike (owner) (2012-01-17 20:31:30)
Hello All, Basically I wanted to prove you are all below me. Just look at the way you all hang on waiting for my words. Thanks for all the clicks, its buying tons of cocaine!

Danny (2012-01-17 17:04:47)
I'll start. Original ad: Hi, I've got a lot of rats in my basement and need help removing them. I dont have much money but we can barter something. Get in touch if you can help. Deb x

Danny (2012-01-17 17:01:14)
If you're not happy with the updates then I suggest you start your own...

President Obama (2012-01-17 14:31:31)
Hello my fellow Americans. Mike has postponed posting any content indefinitely in order to protest the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA) and Protect IP Act (PIPA). I welcome his support as a true American.

Skippy (2012-01-17 14:29:23)
Hi folks! i'm Skippy the skateboarding squirrel! i taught myself how to use the computer!

duz (2012-01-17 14:02:01)
Thank you tire iron! LOL!!

need more content (2012-01-17 03:32:21)
we are dying here...

New Post Please (2012-01-16 22:26:49)
A new post would be nice. Thanks.

You Forgot Poland (2012-01-16 20:05:50)
Each day that this site is not updated, Justin Bieber writes a new song. Save the music industry, update the fuckin' site!

Post (2012-01-16 10:52:53)
or shut your site down, you fuck.

Bernier (2012-01-15 23:02:19)
Add some more I read all of them already! -.-

God (2012-01-15 21:47:07)
FUCK YOU!

psycho mantis (2012-01-15 10:23:27)
I PREDICT YOU WILL MAKE ANOTHER ONE IN THE FUTURE

John L-i-n-d-s-a-y (2012-01-15 08:52:40)
I suck dicks. Sometimes.

Mike (2012-01-15 04:31:06)
I touch dicks. Sometimes.

NUCLEAR MELTDOWN (2012-01-14 17:08:38)
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

innocent civilian (2012-01-14 16:15:22)
help help!

EARTHQUAKE (2012-01-14 16:15:07)
CCCRRRRRRUUUUUUMMMMMMBBBBBBLEEEE!!!!!!!!!! GRRRRRAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! RRRRRUMMMMMMMMBBBLEE!!

TSUNAMI (2012-01-14 16:14:17)
SSSSPLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSHHHHH!!!!!! WHHOOOOOOOSSSH!!!!!

DEVASTATINGSTORM (2012-01-14 16:13:51)
GRRRRRUUUUUAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! SSWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOSHHHHHHHH!!!!!! WHOOSSSH!!! CRRRAAAAASSSSHHH!!!!

God (2012-01-14 16:12:43)
Wtf?!? Mike fucking died? Why wasn't I notified? And fucking Satan got dibbs on his soul? Thats it, I'm unleashing my wrath on you guys, you fucking deserve it. Say goodbye, assholes!

Satan (2012-01-14 16:06:11)
Dear All - Mike is doing just fine down here in Hell. He's sure a real hoot! Giving myself and the damned some much needed laughs. Not to worry, we'll take good care not to burn him too badly.

Derek Schillinger (2012-01-14 15:57:08)
I like killing small animals.

NBC dude (2012-01-14 08:14:36)
wow, thanks guys! those shows look great! and dont miss a "golden" opportunity, the golden shower I'm about to give y'all.

Penis (2012-01-14 00:59:27)
Hey guys, John isn't dead. He's been playing with me a lot and John needs some time away from this website. He'll be back soon!

Mike (2012-01-13 19:05:51)
Hey guys I'm back! NBC had abducted me in order to commandeer this comments section for advertising benefits. I escaped out the back door though!

innocent child (2012-01-13 15:48:26)
i have been raped by a 42 year old man

Cheerios (2012-01-13 15:26:10)
Did you know that over 70% of Americans have high cholesterol? Try a bowl of Cheerios to lower that pesky number. A bowl a day keeps the doctor away.

Dr. Chill (2012-01-13 13:44:11)
wow, thanks guys! those shows look great! and dont miss a "golden" opportunity, the Golden Globes are on NBC this sunday starting at 8:00

awesome girl (2012-01-13 11:41:55)
hey! are you guys talking about NBC? i love that channel! and dont forget to watch new episodes of "The Biggest Loser 13" tuesdays at 8:00!

NBC is the shizznit! (2012-01-13 11:38:43)
hey, i agree with @coolguy, NBC is a great place for funny shows! i love "Betty White's Off Their Rockers", new episodes 8:30 Monday nights! it's "White" hot commedy!

cool guy (2012-01-13 11:34:44)
hey guys, give mike some time! and while you do why dont you check out an all new "Are you there Chelsea?" 8:30, wednesdays on NBC!

dead (2012-01-13 08:54:30)
Even dead people lose interest in non updated web pages

The coolest guy ever (2012-01-13 08:24:33)
it's ok mike, dont let these people get to you, take your time! I'm still trying to catch up on that awesome new show "Whitney" on NBC, check it out wednesdays at 8pm! its so "whitty" and fun you will be laughing non stop!

Psych0 James (2012-01-13 06:29:29)
What the fuck is up with no new stores for +2 months. Is the amazing guy Mike Partlow pulling the plug on us or what? Geezz...

JadedI (2012-01-12 20:38:00)
Maybe the Jar-heads just mistook some Rag-heads for Dot-heads.

JadedI (2012-01-12 20:37:19)
Marines are in trouble for pissing on Taliban Corpses. Maybe it was all just a misunderstanding. In certain parts of India, urine is considered sacred and cleansing.

John L's gay lover (2012-01-12 08:40:21)
John isn't dead, we are having hot gay sex all day long and he no longer has time to write these emails. Thank you for your understanding. Back to the waterbed I go...

tire iron (2012-01-11 23:00:12)
no problem anything for you Mike

Tombstone (2012-01-11 19:13:31)
R.I.P Mike Partlow 1991-2011 "Please do not underestimate or insult my Festiva"

Ike 24 Swaggin (2012-01-11 16:38:45)
I have a Bible autographed by Tim Tebow for sale on Ebay. Since I stole all that money via my contract, and can't play football. I am going to Hell and will no longer need the autographed Bible. Bidding starts out at $50,000.

Tim Tebow (2012-01-11 15:10:06)
During my weekly chats with Jesus I brough up Mike, Jesus says he is doing just fine trolling people in heaven

Municipal Court (2012-01-11 14:58:06)
To Whom It May Concern: Any information regarding the circumstances surrounding the aforementioned death must be sent to the court immediately. Failing to do so will result in prosecution by Federal judge.

Mike's dog (2012-01-11 14:06:42)
Arf Arf!!!

Ike 24 Swaggin (2012-01-11 13:22:54)
I get burned on the field, like hotdogs on Uncle Leroy"s grill! The only thing I can catch is balls to the chin! Please buy me some Head and Shoulders, I used all of Troy's!

ohGr (2012-01-11 13:22:49)
Everyone who bought his book, lets all burn it this friday unless he comes up with a new post.

GroverBiotch! (2012-01-10 14:21:30)
this is funny. sgt whateva i don't even think this is real. if it is, that's karma!

Get your FAQts right (2012-01-10 09:19:28)
His real name is Mustafi... Check the FAQ, impatient bastards. Keep up the good work.

meh (2012-01-10 05:42:54)
As you often do, you played your hand too early. Keep it coming progressively, dude! We all keep telling you that.

James wrong (2012-01-10 00:05:48)
I guess he died.That why zero updated in for fucking ever

Shauntality (2012-01-09 23:51:51)
No wonder my car garage has been getting a number of weird calls lately - 1-800-4-686-4355 translates to 1-800-GOTOHELL!

PA Funeral Home, Inc (2012-01-09 22:57:10)
Dear All - Please join us for the dearly departed, Mike Partlow's funeral procession this Saturday, January 14th. A reception will follow. Thank you, and may God rest his soul.

The PA Post (2012-01-09 22:49:51)
"Internet Comedy Writer Found Dead in College Dorm" - PA Post

anonymous (2012-01-09 21:47:03)
No he's not fuckin dead guys. That's the stereotypical way to write off an internet sensation. Tourette's guy, Boxee, etc. They all are "dead". This guy is definitely not dead.

Tim Tebow (2012-01-09 20:19:23)
John 3:16

Ben roethlisberger (2012-01-09 16:54:56)
Tim Tebow loves the cock

troll (2012-01-09 16:11:19)
successful troll is successful. please somebody tell me if he really is dead or if it was just a troll trolling a troll on a trolling site.

El Douche (2012-01-08 23:06:32)
Usually these are really funny, but you fucked it on this one. Picking on good people and good organization as your victim just sucks chief suggest you drop this one , is pretty fucking low and just pathetic

whatTHEwhat (2012-01-08 18:26:28)
so this guy is dead?! wtf, he didn't even die in a blaze of glory this last one was kind of slacking on the awesomeness that is trolling craigslist

Mikel (2012-01-08 14:09:52)
Holy shit, so much autism in these comments.

Mr. Partlow, Sr. (2012-01-08 12:49:04)
All - Please allow my family the time to grieve the loss of our son, Mike. He was a beautiful child and he will be dearly missed. Miss you, Mike, Rest in Peace. -Jim Partlow

Bikeman (2012-01-08 04:13:53)
You should all stay off the internet and do something worthwhile instead, like riding a bike.

Nathan (2012-01-07 18:36:19)
@sackmybulls what the hell? People with disabilities is race now? Are you stupid?

I NEED MOAR! (2012-01-07 12:05:35)
.

boo (2012-01-07 02:50:04)
Maybe he got a life off the internet

Dyke (2012-01-06 08:46:06)
He's taken lessons from Maddox (Maddox's hit rates got much higher when he started updating less).

Mike (2012-01-06 04:48:49)
Nope

anonymous (2012-01-05 15:36:36)
.

nona (2012-01-05 14:45:25)
I figured it out guys.... He knows that we all check the site every day to see if there is a new one. Each time we visit the site, it counts as a hit. The more hits the site gets, the more ad revenue he receives. Greed

anon (2012-01-05 14:45:15)
I figured it out guys.... He knows that we all check the site every day to see if there is a new one. Each time we visit the site, it counts as a hit. The more hits the site gets, the more ad revenue he receives. Greed

anonymous (2012-01-05 14:32:27)
Ha. At least you trolled DB. Man, you must be a retard if you actually believed that.

DB (2012-01-04 20:58:18)
WOW what a buzz kill. Was reading some amazingly legendary Funny stuff, and I thank you for your awesome comedy! R.I.P. Mike (pray to God I'm not getting trolled...)

PA Mort...(cont) (2012-01-04 19:53:24)
remains scattered over the beautiful lakes of Pennsylvania. May he rest in peace, and again, I offer you all my deepest condolences.

PA Mortuary, Inc. (2012-01-04 19:52:19)
Hello all. This is Dr. James Campbell, writing to inform you that, sadly, Mike Partlow (his real name will not be disclosed) died on Friday, December 31st. I know this is difficult for all of you, but know that he will be dearly missed, and his cremated r

anonymous (2012-01-04 17:35:13)
I figured it out guys.... He knows that we all check the site every day to see if there is a new one. Each time we visit the site, it counts as a hit. The more hits the site gets, the more ad revenue he receives. Greed

anonymous (2012-01-04 09:01:23)
he's not holding back material to make you guys buy the book. he just doesn't have new material.

p (2012-01-04 04:36:17)
Ever since the book this site has become dead. I used to love coming here, but now there's no new content (presumably hoarded to make some coin) this is just another internet sell-out. So long...

THISSITEBLOWS (2012-01-04 01:17:31)
Going on two fucking months now. Time to unbook mark this dead site!!!!

dicks (2012-01-03 17:02:49)
If you fags look on the site, it says he only post quality e-mails, give him a break, but c'mon dawg, it has been a while

Ughhh (2012-01-03 16:41:20)
I know that he doesn't have that much time to do these posts. However I still would like to have an idea when he's going to put something up. Maybe imply that you're going to upload once a month or such. That would be nice. Thanks!

LBKewee (2012-01-03 16:13:41)
I think the posts are more drawn out so that you'll be inclined to purchase the book... got one for my sister for xmas! This isn't racism.. I think they call it prejudice against the physically and/or mentally handicapped.

spinblastr (2012-01-03 10:53:59)
@sackmybulls, since when are handicapped people a race? and how does this post insult them anyhow? it's humor, you dumb-ass jerk-off.

Sackmybulls (2012-01-03 04:57:12)
@Calendarman... I know, we've come this far and there is still racism... and to disabled people of all things I thought racism was finished.

Calendar Man (2012-01-02 14:39:45)
2011-11-08? Are you fucking kidding me? What fucking year are we in?

Eh (2012-01-02 07:24:19)
Probably the least funny one I've seen. get back on your a-game, bro.

Sackmybulls (2012-01-02 01:58:19)
OMG! That is so racist toward people with disabilities. Makes me sick why are people so racist it's not their fault they got disabled their race needs more respect.

Jordan (2012-01-01 22:07:02)
Hey, man. This one was great--no doubt about it. Forget the idiots. I've showed this site to about 6 people now, and will continue doing so with quality uploads like these.

dude (2012-01-01 21:31:43)
pretty sure in the faq's he states he only posts quality submissions. Rather have it this way than having a website full of shit with the occasional funny post

pudge (2012-01-01 05:41:27)
tasteless.

Dear Dumbfucks (2011-12-31 10:02:28)
HEY ASSHOLES - HE UPDATES SLOWLY BECAUSE HE'S GOT BETTER THINGS TO DO. DEAL WITH IT. JUST SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP. I dont know why he even permits comments below when they're all the exact same fucking whining constantly.

pipe layer (2011-12-31 08:22:11)
I think he's dead? time to un-bookmark this site. Thanks for the laugh Mike R.I.P.

Kim (2011-12-30 00:47:59)
Wow that was rude and annoying - NOT FUNNY

anonymous (2011-12-29 18:19:32)
If you guys keep whining like the assholes you are, you're probably gonna end up with a bad (unfunny) post.

Youre a cunt (2011-12-29 01:03:30)
Youre a fucking cunt. Update! Learn how to run a site properly and not leave it for 2 months. Once again, youre a cunt.

UpdatePolice (2011-12-29 00:59:42)
Update, you cocknoblin!

Ass grabba (2011-12-28 21:41:51)
I luv cock

anonymous (2011-12-28 21:40:27)
Spinblastr (2011-12-28 18:04:53) Yet again still no update. You don't even bother trying to keep your fans do you? That's it. I'm done with this website. If you don't care about us, we won't care about you either. It's over. I'

Woodys retarded son (2011-12-28 21:38:42)
Nice

Cockinass (2011-12-28 21:33:59)
Nice! So funny lol

spinblastr (2011-12-28 20:20:50)
okay, I'm back, that's it. post. just do it. now

Spinblastr (2011-12-28 18:04:53)
Yet again still no update. You don't even bother trying to keep your fans do you? That's it. I'm done with this website. If you don't care about us, we won't care about you either. It's over. I'm gone for good.

Spinblastr (2011-12-28 08:29:58)
You know what, fuck it, I'm outta here forever.

Spinblastr (2011-12-27 20:28:36)
Alright, I'm back. But you'd better post again soon. This time I really mean it. Or else.

JAC (2011-12-27 20:28:11)
HAHA epic, I just read it 2nd time..YES wee need a new one!!! come on mikey!

Spinblastr (2011-12-27 20:27:46)
Alright, that's it. Too long between posts. You blew it, pal. I'm outta here, for good this time.

Yam1 (2011-12-27 13:10:32)
SO MUCH FUCKING GOLDEN WIN !!

tim (2011-12-27 07:58:49)
c'mon mike. give us another one. unless you got locked up for trolling people in real life. and if thats the case sorry about the butt rape

pissed off guy (2011-12-26 22:26:53)
Ok asshole it's time to update

miami (2011-12-26 07:24:56)
he wants to teach these kids how to whip ass, awesome

ohGr (2011-12-26 02:09:03)
Post a new one or i will burn your book.

TryAsIMight (2011-12-26 01:45:06)
lol i love all the people that comment on every post "thats it im not waiting any longer. fuck you noone will ever come to this site again" but they always comne back for more just like me. lol i love this site and strangely what murderin' mik

Barry (2011-12-25 23:19:27)
yeah, I give up on this site. total crap.

SANTA CLAUS (2011-12-25 04:58:52)
Ho ho ho! No Christmas presents for you this year because you're an asshole. I'll just crap down your chimney.

Jay (2011-12-24 21:09:45)
Dont forget how you got to where you are now. It was people like us that were constantly following your posts. You lost it man, soon not a single person will buy a book or donate a penny. Take Care.

Danny (2011-12-24 15:36:35)
Usually these posts have me in hysterics, but I could barely crack a smile at this one.

HANDICAPPED HAL (2011-12-24 12:43:28)
MORE POSTS PLEASE ITS BEEN MORE THAN A MONTH. I HATE HANDICAPPED PEOPLE.

TheDude (2011-12-23 17:14:01)
Please send one before christmas! It'd really make my day for the holidays

Steve (2011-12-23 06:47:55)
Hey! ho! *claps hands*

Gary (2011-12-22 16:30:28)
If you're gay and loving it say "hey! ho!" and clap your hands!

next? (2011-12-22 16:15:04)
so you just decided to blow off the oppertunity to have a christmas themed one?

lol (2011-12-21 20:17:28)
lol

honey (2011-12-21 11:53:19)
whereis your christmas posts for us. if you do not post ASAP i hate you

Funny but... (2011-12-21 01:11:01)
Look, everyone give the author a break. There were some extremely funny moments in this post, but towards the middle, it was pretty darn obvious that you were trolling! Imo, throw in some genuine looking emails in there, and then some more trolling.

JediKnight (2011-12-20 13:30:37)
I find your lack of posts disturbing...

Alan Beads (2011-12-19 23:49:29)
How do you stain ice with teeth?

Chris (2011-12-19 19:26:13)
Looks like you've still got it...

Paul (2011-12-19 00:57:22)
No violence in the streets? And I thought hockey players were supposed to be men...

Jesus H. Christ (2011-12-17 10:59:34)
Would it kill you to make another post? It has been well over a month. I'm considering making my own site!

Moar (2011-12-17 07:01:30)
I'll be good. I promise!

Moar (2011-12-17 07:00:48)
It's been more than a month since your last post, asshole. Get your shit together man. This is unacceptable. If you don't post something soon, I refuse to read it. I need my fix ffs. PLZ!! I need moar PLZ!!

Wasntmedude (2011-12-16 11:03:09)
I love this site....I don't mean to spam but it inspired me to start my own...behindoursmiles....for all of you who have jobs dealing with the public and feel the need to yelp back

BAHAHAHAHAHAHa (2011-12-15 22:40:56)
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLOLOLOLOL

Come on (2011-12-15 18:43:24)
MORE FREAKING POSTS! Jesus.

@tina (2011-12-15 18:05:27)
Yes you should, bitch. What are you doing at the computer?

tinacotts (2011-12-15 16:56:33)
Hi, I should get back to kitchen.

Soja Exiles (2011-12-15 04:22:09)
You know you have a lot of fans, and you are not providing them with enough material. You are shy of being a legend.

Jack Worthing (2011-12-14 21:16:02)
Just ... awful, really. I didn't so much as chuckle. Uncreative, the troll quality was obvious and you've used this idea before. Oh well, you have like the next four months to think of something.

person (2011-12-13 15:22:33)
Looks like the only sport he'll be playing now is "shitting in a bag" (heh heh).

tracy padova (2011-12-13 12:58:38)
NOW THAT U HAVE YOUR BOOK OUT YOU DONT POST NEW STUFF ANYMORE U KEEP US WAITING OR R U TOO BUSY FOR THE PEOPLE WHO SUPPORTED U?

burning asshole (2011-12-13 07:33:50)
I ate some super hot wings last night so hot my asshole is burning. I had to borrow a tampon from my wife put blue cheese on it and shove it up my ass to put the fire out.

MJAVY7 (2011-12-12 17:02:22)
Love it!

new post (2011-12-12 10:56:37)
please make new post. please make new post. please make new post. please make new post.

JoeyVapes (2011-12-11 19:24:27)
Lolwut.

supbitch (2011-12-11 19:15:13)
i know who you are

Please (2011-12-09 18:16:47)
Please make a new post, I'm begging you

James (2011-12-09 11:08:05)
"The ice will be stained with their blood, teeth, and broken dreams" - fantastic line!

Gary (2011-12-09 01:11:25)
When are we going to see a new one? These are gold!

Alex (2011-12-08 12:25:37)
Yeah kids these days need to keep their drugs and violence on the ice!

Please (2011-12-07 17:39:55)
Pleeeeeaaaaaaase make another post. I will do anything you want.

Sad (2011-12-06 22:02:45)
I check every day for a new post. One out of every sixty days there actually is one. The other fifty nine make me sad.

Shepard Smithe (2011-12-06 18:17:08)
I will not eat until you post.

Bobjack (2011-12-06 14:46:47)
HK Steve sucks dick for bus fare in Hong Kong, then he walks home.

Muppet (2011-12-06 13:47:42)
I applaud your efforts to screw with the idiots of Craigslist. Keep up the hilarious work! Please screw with the people who have a big idea for an Internet start-up with 'infinite potential' but have no skills or money.

Steph (2011-12-06 13:21:31)
PLEASE WRITE MORE! I die laughing, it's really the only thing that gets me through boring professors!

really? (2011-12-05 15:35:14)
so did you sell a lot of coats? I'd imagine that everyone on this site is looking to buy a coat. great marketing!!

Lol (2011-12-05 10:54:54)
Lol fail spammers no ones fooled by your shit

to long (2011-12-03 21:54:50)
Dude you have been slacking lately this has been up to long. Are you burnt out on this already?

Kingault (2011-12-03 16:04:40)
Oh, this is too good.

We want to Share!!! (2011-12-03 13:42:29)
I laughed so hard I cried, But was disappointed you don't break up your email stories and add a fb or Twitter share button, You want to talk about exposure...Very good stuff, thanks for the ROFLMFAO!

ohGr (2011-12-03 03:03:58)
"due to a pulled vagina muscle" Hahaha, i love it!

awesome (2011-12-02 23:14:37)
lololol come on new stuff these are aweosme

Anonymous (2011-12-02 19:25:03)
Sometimes, I like to slather my naked body in Vaseline and slide around on my belly in my neighbor's backyard.

coz (2011-12-02 13:17:24)
you need to set it up so i can recieve an email everytime you post a new one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Peach (2011-12-02 09:55:47)
I worked at Special Olympics as a secretary for a few years. We were repeatedly reminded not to call it "The" Special Olympics so I'm a bit skeptical about this. Coincidentally (or not!) my supervisor there was named Judy.

Anon Y. Mouse (2011-12-01 16:20:21)
Totally should have mentioned how good of fighters they'd be due to retard strength.

NoImp (2011-12-01 12:23:19)
Again very good, trololol (I hear Eduard Khil, when i read your posts!)

little pony kitten (2011-12-01 07:42:24)
too funny, nice little read and laugh before work

trip (2011-12-01 05:25:19)
idk.. this was the first one that didnt make me laugh.

Thanks (2011-11-29 23:10:58)
This seriously made my week--I've been feeling incredibly shitty and depressed. Thanks a ton.

alimony (2011-11-29 22:27:08)
alimony payments coming up....would love an update to come home to this weekend.

Jamal (2011-11-29 08:51:55)
haha, not bad, not bad at all

Lol (2011-11-28 14:55:53)
"Thank you, Tire Iron" :)

We Want More (2011-11-27 20:39:07)
Not worth waiting months for. You've done much better

NotJesus (2011-11-27 16:51:08)
This is the first exchange to make me laugh so hard I drool.

ian (2011-11-27 01:14:48)
HILARIOUS! Always look forward to reading the new emails, keep um comin!!!!

gay (2011-11-26 17:42:11)
Real men suck dick and wear panties.

Aaron (2011-11-25 03:35:55)
murderin mike is my hero. sincerely aaron

Will (2011-11-24 20:47:21)
Loved the "Bowling ball". Good stuff, man. Keep it up relaxed!

submit/clear's wrong (2011-11-24 15:18:58)
look at other entries.

Gary Crant (2011-11-24 09:00:36)
I got a date with a MILF tonight.

Nick (2011-11-24 00:25:01)
"I'm starting to think you're the problem with this team." lmao

icebox (2011-11-23 10:51:10)
Awesome! Mike, you've got a talent. Thanks for the many laughs you've been giving my family and I since day one. Great book too!

Anonymous (2011-11-22 19:55:11)
Sometimes, I like to slather my naked body in Vaseline and slide around on my belly in my neighbor's backyard.

Fuck (2011-11-22 13:12:22)
Post some new shit

Breen (2011-11-22 08:27:40)
Superb. Maintaining your usual impossibly high standards and very much worth the wait.

GRAMMAR NAZI! (2011-11-22 03:18:29)
I noticed you forgot a word.

EdgeMaster (2011-11-22 01:27:28)
I have to agree that this version does not tickle your funny bone unlike the originals, but this is still comedy gold. Thanks for making us laugh during the harsh times of reality... ^_^

submit/clear (2011-11-21 23:04:18)
This has about as much credibility as @oldmansearch. Every entry just happens to alway be perfectly written and constructed, without the inclusion of a single typo? Sure, the premise of all these posts are initially entertianing. But how long can the a

Ethereal (2011-11-21 23:02:39)
Nice. I played through college. LOL funny man. Cheers!

What this is I don't (2011-11-21 17:48:37)
Sometimes you wonder why they even reply.

:) (2011-11-21 14:05:17)
:)

hmm (2011-11-21 08:01:48)
hmmm, not that good as the rest

SlaterTheSinner (2011-11-21 00:14:54)
Your time with the model airplane glue is over alex.

longtime (2011-11-20 04:14:00)
Nah, this one isn't that good.

Don't get it.. (2011-11-18 17:53:50)
Why was she getting all upset??

Mike (2011-11-18 16:58:22)
OMG, I needed that. Everyone deserves to laugh really hard every once in a while. Thanks!

1-800 GO-TO-HELL (2011-11-18 14:54:40)
NICE!

lolbert (2011-11-18 11:27:55)
i bought bread from the market

Pablo_Escobar (2011-11-18 05:17:41)
"Looking forward to taking your job"....lol....a true masterstoke!!

anonymous (2011-11-18 03:25:34)
not as funny as the other letters. i laughed laudly in any other letter, but this one just put a smile on my face. keep on trolling!

Meh (2011-11-18 02:35:43)
Meh....poor performance

JNET (2011-11-18 01:00:00)
"The ice will be stained with their blood, teeth, and broken dreams." - priceless

honey (2011-11-17 15:05:41)
i like the part when Mike thanks the tire iron

Alex (2011-11-17 11:27:57)
@Kitsy Some toll-free numbers do in fact have 8 digits instead of 7 after 1800. They're not very common, but they do exist.

Rob G (2011-11-17 09:59:31)
Even a super troll is still just a troll. This is fucking brilliant!

mk (2011-11-17 05:23:25)
"Murderin' Mike" :D Awh, poooooor Judy! :DDDD

Sean Paul (2011-11-17 04:07:56)
Always top notch. I choke from laughter on emails that are posted. Keep up the solid work!

kitsy (2011-11-17 00:47:19)
This is great. 1-800-GOTO-HELL doesn't even have the right amount of numbers but I'm guessing she was too classy to use FUC-KOFF in an e-mail.

socold (2011-11-16 22:39:24)
seriously, I thought you died.

MrMalldoon (2011-11-16 19:44:17)
Another great one man. I just want more, faster!

BB (2011-11-16 13:57:15)
Very funny thanks dude

@maddox (2011-11-16 11:49:06)
Is it me or does the new maddox book seem to suck? The new samples he posted on his website stink!

Sheffield Laser (2011-11-16 04:08:17)
Great opener which was causing my eyes to water with laughter but then somehow lost its flow. Still its great to get an update. Keep it up.

retardabard (2011-11-16 00:19:55)
love it !!!

A-town (2011-11-15 21:40:20)
Hilarious - another amazing post!

jaebo74 (2011-11-15 21:26:22)
that is literally the funniest fucking thing i have ever read!!!!!!!!!!!!!

heyheyehy (2011-11-15 18:22:55)
The only sport he'll be playing is shitting in a bag lol that made my day

maria (2011-11-15 17:57:33)
Ahhhhh yes! Nailed it once again! Ppl need to relax, dont comment if youre hating these posts. Just go away! Theyre freeking hilarrrrious!

Vaginator (2011-11-15 16:20:37)
Lol pulled vagina muscle, hahaha. "In between jobs", solid gold, hahahaha. PS: Fuck all of you whiners!

marcojo (2011-11-15 14:37:29)
Glad to see a new one up. Brilliance as usual! Keep it up!

Dallas, TX (2011-11-15 13:22:18)
Aweomse. MOAR!!! XD

Sphinx (2011-11-15 12:44:09)
You sir, are a genious. "Oh yes, I am still able to skate. I think you misunderstood me. My career was cut short because I was banned after causing another player to have a career ending injury." Keep up the good work man!

LG (2011-11-15 10:20:06)
Meh.

Bob I (2011-11-15 02:13:56)
You'll always have haters I guess, but I'm not one of them. For me this was funny at just the right time. After as bad a day as I had, this was just what I needed.

rhino (2011-11-15 02:13:36)
Just classic!!

Pete Sampras (2011-11-15 01:17:36)
Hardest laugh I've had in a while. Well done fella.

anonymous (2011-11-15 00:40:36)
Laem. STFU.

BowlingBall (2011-11-15 00:05:17)
f*** i loved that bowling ball part. i'm in tears!! ha ha ha

Somebody! (2011-11-14 21:10:36)
Why are the emails always from men? Is there no woman who can be rude?

lovestospuge (2011-11-14 20:19:40)
@Johnny Eyeball you shit upside down my friend. ofc he cant do this full time.. but sometimes 2 months gap between posts? i mean i know the dude must have a life and all but doing this more often shud be possible.

Z (2011-11-14 20:12:29)
boah...

Sodomy J. Balltickle (2011-11-14 14:58:29)
Meh... It was okay. Not the best work, but they can't all be jems.

Pete (2011-11-14 13:44:48)
Very good!

lovedit (2011-11-14 11:40:21)
I hope none of the lazy whiners who don't do this but read and criticize it didn't pull a vagina muscles crying about this one

Slacking (2011-11-14 10:59:16)
This one was kinda boring imo

Andrew (2011-11-14 09:46:47)
this was boring

Johnny Eyeball (2011-11-14 07:41:47)
Do half of you dopey cunts actually think posting funny little emails is his full time job or some shit? You're lucky he's doing it at all.

Lovestospuge (2011-11-14 06:29:55)
I love your website and i keep comin back but it takes you goddamn long lately to post new things. thats a shame.. you're a shame.. i want to talk to your supervisor about taking your position and getting you fired. LOL :D ....but im srs tho

9/10 (2011-11-14 01:26:30)
9/10

WhyStillAFavorite? (2011-11-13 20:46:01)
2 months go by and this is all you could come up with. This one sucked, very predictable.

Kukul (2011-11-13 19:26:06)
Maybe it took so long because an ad like this is a fucking jackpot.

Snoop187 (2011-11-13 18:07:17)
Classic

ohGr (2011-11-13 17:26:33)
Thats sum funny shit dude, keep em comin! :D

TK (2011-11-13 15:21:51)
"[V]iolent psychopath" and "1-800-GOTO-HELL"... what a rude person. On the other hand, if people kept a civil tongue, this site wouldn't be any fun. Watching people blow their top is amazingly hilarious. Keep up the good work.

daevablacc (2011-11-13 07:53:46)
HAHAHAHAHA! Nice :)

An Indian Fan (2011-11-13 05:25:25)
Hey ! I always wait for your new posts. You are great !

hmm (2011-11-13 05:14:30)
It took u so long to come up with this shit.. where's the fun mike??

Impatiant (2011-11-13 02:42:37)
how long till the next one! i cant ucking wait

anonymous (2011-11-12 21:31:59)
Best one in ages! SO FUNNY!

Leo (2011-11-12 16:54:59)
You haven't lost your touch.

Daniel (2011-11-12 16:25:24)
Thank you, tire iron! BAHAHAH

mike m (2011-11-12 13:31:26)
well done

Chris (2011-11-12 10:45:41)
Anonymous Coward is protesting the 1%.

bob (2011-11-12 10:18:57)
The Special Dlympics are for the mentally handicapped. Nice spelling.

Mary (2011-11-12 06:19:17)
It is about fucking time you posted something new.

Adrolf Hitlol (2011-11-12 04:10:51)
"I was a legend in minor league hockey until my career was cut short by a career ending injury." After this sentence i tought the story would go like "Yes, i have no arms but i still want to help people" :d

EightEqualsD (2011-11-12 01:30:23)
As a Canadian, I can say that Mike totally nailed it about hockey being a badass and violent sport.

Mats (2011-11-12 00:57:31)
I just love your mail conversations. They are funny even if you live in Sweden as I do.

Ass Johnson (2011-11-11 22:59:49)
I laughed so hard I pulled my vagina muscle.

Jess (2011-11-11 22:06:56)
Too great. I absolutely love every post.

cam (2011-11-11 20:07:53)
i feel like you gave the game away a bit to early on this one. keep em coming

anonymous coward (2011-11-11 17:28:11)
99% of these are hilarious. This is the 1% I'm afraid.

Honestly (2011-11-11 14:12:13)
Every Fucking Time. You make it worth the wait. I liiterally yelped with joy when I saw a new post. And you came through again. You sir, you sir, are a scholar.

Spinblastr (2011-11-11 12:01:56)
I gotta tell you that I'm sorta baffled by some of the critics here. This shit is fucking hilarious, and if you don't think so, go away. You're an idiot.

WOO HOO!! (2011-11-11 02:15:06)
Finally you posted a new one! thanks!

anonymous (2011-11-11 00:21:38)
Haha! Nice

Not believable... (2011-11-11 00:12:49)
@Vipul "it's hilarious... even if the replies are made up they are worth reading." Hardly worth reading at all...

Alec (2011-11-10 23:50:47)
When i saw the original i was apprehensive, but you trolled the shit outta that bitch w/out rlly ripping on the handicapped kids, well done sir

TheDude (2011-11-10 23:46:24)
Sincerely looking forward to taking your job, HAHAHHA LOL Thanks for another great post! I honestly was down today (Girl troubles) and this was exactly what I needed. I appreciate it so much. Thanks

spoiled (2011-11-10 19:04:00)
is it bad that i want another new one already?

Brilliant (2011-11-10 16:55:01)
Freaking brilliant. More emails, more quickly.

emily (2011-11-10 15:59:08)
keep up the good work!very hilarious. i wish you posted these emails more frequently like you used to! i still enjoy reading them all and I look forward for the next one. i hope these emails will come a little more frequently though :) i'm a huge fan

Jim (2011-11-10 15:13:46)
You should have continued by telling her that the phone number to her supervisor didn't work.

Justin (2011-11-10 14:05:24)
Frickin awesome - Keep up the good work. I know you're probably busy, but MORE please!

Chris (2011-11-10 11:56:00)
First!

Javier (2011-11-10 10:56:33)
Great stuff, don't listen to the haters as they've probably pulled their vagina muscles.

kderb (2011-11-10 10:52:36)
Fighting regardless of the class of hockey is important Mike, and you were correct in suggesting your services. What if our special olympians face the russians or china? I want foreign special needs blood on our ice or don't bother competing. Well

Matt (2011-11-10 10:38:46)
I was really expecting you to recount the story of gordon bombay from mighty ducks after the line about a career ending injury.

nagz (2011-11-10 10:24:31)
seen better

vat the hell (2011-11-10 09:54:52)
I can't believe that woman fell for it, after such exageration.

super pump (2011-11-10 09:06:30)
dammit i love this site!

MAGG (2011-11-10 08:41:59)
Wonderful! Keep on!

Cody (2011-11-10 07:36:27)
damn, if I had assholes like YOU guys for fans, I'd never fucking update. Get the sticks out of your asses. He doesn't live for you guys.

Domenicus (2011-11-10 05:17:12)
I laughed so hard I started crying! "The ice will be stained with their blood, teeth, and broken dreams."

matt (2011-11-10 04:41:52)
he lives!

Vipul (2011-11-10 02:28:48)
it's hilarious... even if the replies are made up they are worth reading.

=S (2011-11-10 02:13:25)
I thought the point of this site was to make fun of the idiots posting on craigslist, this one seemed uncalled for....still funny though =P

CornerKid (2011-11-09 23:24:53)
As a former hockey goon, all I can say is... you nailed it! Loved the way you turned the convo around on her as only someone from Philly can :) That crazy bitch should never be allowed around those poor kids again!

Ayall (2011-11-09 22:30:35)
One of the best; "pulled vagina muscle" into "you are the problem with this team, not the kids"

well well (2011-11-09 22:22:36)
i had forgot about this site for 2 months or so, then i came here by a total mistake, so i was like "omg, 2 months since i didn't come, i bet there are plenty of new stuff", 1 disapointing joke only, sorry but i'm leaving this site and won

Brian (2011-11-09 20:58:19)
Nice one. It would be funny to actually see a fight in special olympics hockey. Like Slap Shot, but with retards.

alimony (2011-11-09 20:16:20)
thank you

FYI (2011-11-09 19:34:08)
That phone number totally doesn't work...

AHAHAHAHA (2011-11-09 18:21:45)
damnit, i need to stop watching this in middle of class hahahaha

Lee (2011-11-09 18:21:20)
"pulled vagina muscle" haha brilliant

Mike (2011-11-09 17:30:34)
Lol, not but best, but up to quality, keep em up. I know that when i come to this website and theres a new post, its going to be good, keep it up

anonymous (2011-11-09 17:15:20)
I was reading this while my wife was asleep and I couldn't contain my laugh! "Vagina Muscle" lawlssss

Saumil (2011-11-09 17:10:10)
Mike: Sincerely looking forward to taking your job. Judy: Sincerely done talking to you. GG lol.

Sharpoon (2011-11-09 16:34:18)
These are class, absolutely hilarious

Mark (2011-11-09 16:01:06)
I fucking love you. One update every few months but it makes each one all more precious.

Harsh (2011-11-09 15:55:26)
He is clearly waiting for actual people to take the bait and thats why it takes so long and not always becomes a super-hit

meow (2011-11-09 15:54:36)
hahahahahahah i love these. this one was soooo funny! well worth the wait

Harsh (2011-11-09 15:54:34)
Wait, people are complaining that a) he makes things up, b) too much time between updates and c) not too funny? Surely if he was making things up, he would have updated on a much regular interval and with his funniest things? He is clearly waiting for som

TooTiredtoLaugh (2011-11-09 15:22:58)
To someone: I have the same feeling with respect to this one, and a couple other ones, such as rocked. But even if he is making things up, he has creativity. We need to admit it.

Classic (2011-11-09 15:11:11)
That lady actually seemed to put mentally handicapped kids below normal people. She so deserved this.

pimp (2011-11-09 15:09:42)
funny but there are defiantly funnier ones

Legend (2011-11-09 14:49:09)
Bwah ha ha ha ha.

someone (2011-11-09 14:48:23)
is it just me? I have the feeling you are just making up the replies. since a year or so.

Rithe (2011-11-09 14:25:34)
Definitely one of the funnier ones! "I won the rematch in the parking lot (thank you tire iron)" Laughed so hard at that one

William (2011-11-09 12:48:15)
I won the rematch in the parking lot (thank you tire iron) SOO FUCKING FUNNY!!!!

Anon (2011-11-09 12:37:16)
I wasn't impressed with this one. I would think that, given the amount of time between updates, you would have come up with something else.

Bdub (2011-11-09 12:30:42)
Mike, you really are an asshole. But that was damn funny. :-)

HANDICAPPED HAL (2011-11-09 11:52:05)
WHY NOTHING ABOUT HATING HANDICAPPED PEOPLE? OR THEM DOING THINGS THAT ARENT POSSIBLE? I HATE HANDICAPPED PEOPLE!

Dan (2011-11-09 11:35:31)
Hahah awesome.

NoTalentAssClown (2011-11-09 11:34:12)
"Looks like the only sport he'll be playing now is "shitting in a bag" ROFL

Craig (2011-11-09 10:45:22)
After waiting almost 2 months, I expected something amazing. This wasn't in your top 20 all-time. Thanks for the effort though. The new book coming out soon?

Tonya Harding (2011-11-09 10:37:20)
Murdering Mike - didn't we hook up in the early 90's?

Jeff (2011-11-09 10:13:27)
Murderin Mike hahahahha

EricElvis (2011-11-09 09:56:05)
Man o man, how great it was when you turned it back around on her. She must have been coming undone at a violent psychopath telling HER that she doesn't want to treat the handicapped like normal peeps hahaha! Classic.

Chris (2011-11-09 09:41:42)
Boring.

Josh (2011-11-09 07:33:25)
Clearly Judy has some problems with the differently-abled. It's disgusting to see that kind of bigotry coming from someone working with the mentally challenged. I am appalled.

tech84 (2011-11-09 07:31:33)
awesome, totally worth the f*ckin wait!

Snake_Bonzai (2011-11-09 07:24:12)
Master!!!

Jay (2011-11-09 05:26:46)
I came across this new one at work just now, closed the window to go back home and read it, but decided, what the hell it's been a hard day's work so I deserve a few laughs. And I got them. Not bad at all.

sam (2011-11-09 04:52:49)
People complain about the lack of updates but the last many updates have all been aces. I don't mind waiting a few months if every post is golden.

Mike (2011-11-09 04:44:02)
I was totally expecting a follow-up where you said you tried calling it but nobody picked up. Also, I know the chick wasn't thinking, but it would have been so much easier to say 1(800)GO-2-HELL which would actually work as a number.

Finally (2011-11-09 04:38:06)
Hahahaha. Finally soul of Gadhafi came back with new update. now don't die for two more months.

Bill (2011-11-09 04:29:02)
"I would like to take your position and suggest that you be fired." I'd have loved to see her face when she read this. Oh, my...

Zomg (2011-11-09 04:23:27)
Vagina muscle LOL

Oh man (2011-11-09 04:16:41)
Hilarious

Buca (2011-11-09 03:34:42)
Good to have these back!

Klone (2011-11-09 03:29:10)
"Looks like the only sport he'll be playing now is "shitting in a bag" (heh heh)" !!! Precious !!

anonymous (2011-11-09 02:57:58)
One of your best, thank you.

Rift (2011-11-09 02:39:22)
I laughed at, "I'm between jobs right now" otherwise it wasn't that good compared to some of the recent ones.

Wp (2011-11-09 02:37:32)
Then i cut his achilles tendon with my ice skate.. Fucking awesome

Tire Iron (2011-11-09 02:28:28)
your welcome

BOB (2011-11-09 01:55:58)
The ice will be stained with their blood, teeth, and broken dreams" EPIC

Fricking awesome (2011-11-09 01:41:30)
IT WAS HILARIOUS!

Love (2011-11-09 00:52:07)
Excellent! I wish you would update more :(

waited.so.long (2011-11-09 00:42:36)
"Sincerely looking forward to taking your job" BEST

FINALLY (2011-11-09 00:29:35)
about freaking time you got a new one, but it was still funny as hell! Hail king troll!!!

Whang!!! (2011-11-09 00:07:29)
Would have been fun to tie the laces together on their skates, right ?

Mol E. Ster (2011-11-09 00:06:49)
1-800-GOTO-HEll has 1 too many letters for a phone number.

LOLSMILEYFACE (2011-11-08 23:56:18)
damnit second!!

LOLSMILEYFACE (2011-11-08 23:55:56)
first. also that was epic " sincerely looking forward to taking ur job."

First (2011-11-08 23:47:43)
FIRST I CAN DIE HAPPY

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